Pure bed partner point first maintain to? The boundary between sex partners and the battle of emotional attack and defense | WADDY Tipsy Party Column

I came home late at night and sat on the sofa, not even in the mood to buy a beer. Although Qin Ming had a passionate affair last night, she is now feeling helpless. Because I have to say goodbye to a bed partner who I get along well with again.

Why did this happen? Everyone agreed to be purely casual at the beginning, but it all went wrong in the end. Thinking back, maybe each of us has a fantasy in our hearts: there can be a sign above our heads that says "Single, sex OK, dating NO", so that we can completely avoid all emotional troubles.

Recently, the experience of a customer named Ajun really touched me. When he entered the shop to buy something, he couldn't help but complain to me: "First I have to say goodbye to my good sex buddy. I clearly said it was purely casual at the beginning, but he started to cook for me, invited me to his house, and introduced his friends to me. This puts a lot of pressure on me."

Hearing this, I remembered what another female guest, Joey, shared. He said that the feelings might be generated by sex, or that he did it to create an atmosphere that was misunderstood. "Sometimes, in order to make sex more exciting, people create an atmosphere similar to that of a date, but it turns out that such behavior can easily be misunderstood."

In fact, many people think that sex must be accompanied by intimate behavior, but it is often these intimate behaviors that deteriorate the purely physical relationship. Just like going to the street together, eating together, shopping together, or even talking sweetly during sex, it is easy to create illusions.

I still remember a female guest named Michelle who often traveled on business and shared her experience. She said: "I'm very busy with work and have no time for dating. A pure friends-with-benefits relationship is the best for me. But every time, the other party starts asking me where I'm on a business trip, when I'll be back, and wants to video chat with me, so I end up cutting off the relationship."

So, how can we maintain a purely bed-partner relationship?

First, let’s make it clear at the outset. Don't be afraid of embarrassment, make it clear that it's just casual and set clear boundaries. Many people are afraid of hurting each other, so they wait for the relationship to deteriorate before trying to withdraw, but this makes it more difficult to get out of the relationship.

Second, we must control the mode and frequency of meetings. Pure sex partners are not lovers, so there is no need to pretend to be a couple. The purpose of meeting is sex, there is no need to add so much unnecessary packaging.

Third, control the way you communicate. Don't ask the other person what's going on without asking, and don't ask about each other's well-being all day long. A simple "Can I do it tonight?" is enough.

Finally, it is important to understand one thing: sex can be enjoyable, but it does not necessarily require love . Just like a mature adult, he enjoys the pleasure brought by sex, but at the same time he will not lose himself because of sex.

If you find that the other person is starting to take it too seriously, it's best to communicate immediately and reiterate the boundaries. If there is really no way to reverse the situation, it is better to end a relationship early than to wait until both parties are hurt before withdrawing.

A friends-with-benefits relationship is not a wrong choice of relationship, but to maintain its purity, both parties must have enough psychological preparation and wisdom.

Frequently asked questions

Q: "Which part of a relationship with a friend is most likely to go wrong?"

A: Many people ask me this question. From experience, the biggest landmine is "pretending to be a couple". Going on dates, watching movies, and eating out just to create an atmosphere can easily give people the illusion that they are dating.

Q: "How can we control the frequency of meeting?"

A: I suggest not to do it too frequently. If you see each other three or four times a week, how is that different from dating? Keeping an appropriate amount of time and distance can actually make the relationship last longer.

Q: "If the other party starts to show that he wants to take things further, what should I do?"

A: Communicate immediately. Don't be soft-hearted, don't think, just wait and see. One group reaffirms the boundaries, the other group withdraws as soon as possible. The longer you wait, the deeper the hurt.

Q: "Can I be friends with my sex partner?"

A: Honestly, it’s really difficult. Sex creates a sense of intimacy, and it takes a lot of emotional intelligence to control this intimacy in bed. If you feel you can't control it, it's better to set boundaries from the beginning.

Q: "What if I find myself starting to feel something for my sex partner?"

A: Then you have to be honest with your feelings. If you find yourself starting to fall in love, it's best to end the relationship immediately. It’s better to cut early than to let everyone get hurt.

Remember: the most important thing about a pure bed partner relationship is the word "pure". Just like a mature adult, you need to understand that sex does not represent love, enjoy the pleasure of the moment, and at the same time not be overwhelmed by emotions.