"The customer who came in to buy toys whispered to me, 'Sex is really fun for men, isn't it?'" As an employee of an adult product store, when I heard this, I thought to myself, "Why do so many girls still think this way?"
When it comes to pleasure, girls are always silent
"It's fine as long as he's happy", "I don't know what I want anyway", "I think it's ugly to express my needs"... Many girls are used to keeping silent and burying their needs.
Amy (not her real name) came to the shop last week and told me her story: "I have had sex for many years and I still don't know what it feels like to orgasm. But I feel like it's really crazy to tell it."
Actually, Amy's situation is not special at all. According to the survey, more than half of women have tried to "pretend" during sex in order to finish quickly and not to undermine the other person's confidence.
“He said I was too much trouble.”
Chloe shared her experience: "I tried to tell my boyfriend about my needs, but he said I was too troublesome. Later, I didn't dare to say anything."
Why does expressing one’s needs become a “trouble”? Why does pursuing one’s own pleasure become calculating?
Why did it become like this?
"I think girls should be more reserved since they are young. When it comes to sex, they should be restrained," May said to me while drinking coffee.
Indeed, Hong Kong girls from childhood to adulthood have received these messages:
- "Girls shouldn't be so proactive"
- "When it comes to sex, it's casual"
- "Be reserved until someone wants you."
There are even more entrenched misunderstandings:
- Sex is equal to vaginal intercourse
- Foreplay is optional
- Female orgasm is hard to achieve
"I was talking to my bestie once and it dawned on me that I wasn't the only one who thought that way." Jenny said, "Eight out of ten girls think that sex is for men."
Breaking the Silence: Your Pleasure Is Just as Important as Your Needs
The fact is: sex should be enjoyed by both parties. Women’s needs and pleasures are not secondary, let alone dispensable.
“I think the turning point was when I started to understand my own body.” Chun shared her experience with me: “After I understood what I liked and accepted that I had needs, I dared to communicate with my partner.”
How to Talk to Your Partner?
Communication doesn’t have to be a one-size-fits-all approach. It can be done in small steps:
- Praise him for doing something right "I like the way you touch me" "You make me feel good"
- Gently bring out your needs "Why don't we try it slowly?" "Can I touch this area for a while?"
- Explore together "Why don't we find out what everyone likes?"
Write to every girl
Remember, you have the right to:
- Enjoy sex
- Seeking Pleasure
- Expressing needs
- I'm not happy with what I said
- I don't want to
Sex is not an obligation, it is a pleasure for both parties. You feel the same needs and are just as important as the other person.
Written at the end
Girls often ask me, "Will it scare my relatives if I tell them what I want?"
My answer has always been: a partner who truly respects you will be willing to understand your needs and care about your feelings. Communication does not destroy relationships, but makes them closer.
What I want to share with you this time is not only the topic of sex, but also a message: you deserve pleasure and satisfaction. Sex should never be a one-way street.
