Arriving on your first try? Let me discuss this with you slowly!
Not everyone's first time was in middle school, in a room, and it was done in a sloppy manner. According to new research, young people nowadays are, on average, starting to have sex later than before. Among the young people aged 18-22, about 30% are virgins. So don't feel that you are special or weird, you are not alone at all!
Before the first time, you need to think clearly
First of all, we need to think about what "the first time" actually means? Most people think that the first time is when you have sexual intercourse, but that is not necessarily the case. Maybe you are LGBT, maybe you prefer other forms of intimacy, or maybe sex is just not important to you. There is nothing wrong with these. What matters most is whether you feel it is right.
You need to think clearly about your expectations for the first time: Do you have to wait for someone you truly love? Do you want to find a trustworthy friend to go through this together? Do we have to wait until the wedding to start? It doesn't matter which answer you choose, what matters is that you feel comfortable.
Myths about virginity
Many people feel inferior because they have never tried it, and even want to "get it done quickly." But do you really want to lower your standards for this reason? A momentary impulse may make you regret it for the rest of your life. You have to remember that your values do not change just because you have had sex or not.
Preparation for sexual intercourse
People always say "know yourself and know your enemy, and you will win every battle." Before you start, you need to understand your body first. There is a lot of reliable information on the Internet now, which can help you better understand yourself and the basic knowledge of sexual behavior.
As for safety measures, you must think clearly about how to protect yourself. Sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy without consent are no joke. Remember to discuss safety measures with your partner before you start, and don't wait until you go to bed to think about it.
Really, is this your first meeting?
Let’s be honest, the first time is usually not perfect. You may:
- It'll be over soon
- Feeling so embarrassed
- I don't know how to move my hands and feet
- It's a bit painful (if you're a girl)
This is all very normal! Don't think it's like an AV, reality is completely different from the movies. The most important thing to remember is: take your time and enjoy the process.
The first time to feel the real situation
Many people think that the first time must be perfect, but the reality is often far from it. To be honest, you might feel really awkward and not even know where to put your hands and feet. The first time usually ends very quickly, or it ends up being really messy. The girl said it might be painful, but that doesn't mean it will definitely hurt. All of this is normal! The important thing is that everyone takes their time and considers each other.
AV is misleading
Every time I talk to young people, I find that many of them think sex should be like in AV. But remember, this is an AV performance! The movements, reactions, and timing were all edited and performed. In real life, sex requires communication, exploration, and sometimes even some funny moments. These are real sex stories.
About condoms
Many people feel very embarrassed the first time, and even feel embarrassed about buying condoms. But think about it, if you think buying condoms is ugly, is it even uglier if you get pregnant? Nowadays, condoms are sold in many convenience stores and can be purchased online. The most important thing to remember is that condoms are not just for contraception, they also prevent sexually transmitted diseases. So be sure to take adequate safety measures from the very first time.
Does alcohol really help?
Many people think that drinking a little alcohol can give them courage, but in fact it is best to stay sober the first time. Because you need to know clearly what you are doing, and you also need to pay attention to the other person's reactions and feelings. Being drunk not only affects your judgment, but may also make you forget everything the next morning. The first time should be an experience you want to remember, not a hazy memory.
The importance of communication
The most important thing in sex is communication. You need to learn to express what you like and what you don't like. At the same time, you should pay attention to the other person's reaction. If you see the other person frowning, stop immediately and ask him/her whether he/she is OK or not. Communication is not just about talking, it also includes body language. You need to learn to express your feelings.
Things to note after finishing
After finishing, girls must remember to go to the toilet to prevent infection. Also remember to clean yourself and dispose of condoms properly. If you feel uncomfortable, tell the other person immediately. Don't be shy. The feeling of your body is the most important. Please don't hold back and keep silent because of shyness.
Do you really want to do it on the wedding night?
If you're waiting until now to have your first time because you're getting married, remember that it doesn't have to happen on your wedding night. Because on your wedding day you will be really tired and not in the mood at all. It would be better to wait until the next day when everyone has had enough rest and is in a better mood to start. So you can enjoy this unforgettable moment.
Myths about "enjoyment"
Many people think that they must enjoy it the first time, but to be honest, the first time is usually not that great. Since we are all novices and are just trying to figure things out, how can we find the position that the other person likes right away? Normally, two people need to get to know each other several times before they begin to really enjoy it. So the most important thing for the first time is to relax, don't think about the key points, the most important thing is to feel and understand everyone.
Physical preparation
When we talk about being fully prepared, we are not just talking about mental preparation. Physical preparation is very important. First of all, we should pay attention to the cleanliness of private parts, but not excessive cleaning, because too frequent cleaning will destroy the body's natural protection.
Another very important thing is foreplay. Foreplay is not just the quick kissing and touching in the movies. We need to spend more time getting to know each other's bodies so that everyone can be more relaxed and excited. Especially for girls, if the foreplay is not enough, it will be very painful.
Choose a suitable place and time
For your first visit, it’s best to choose a place where you feel comfortable, not necessarily a hotel. The most important thing is to have privacy and not have to worry about being disturbed. You have to think clearly about the time and don't force yourself to do it on a certain day. Wait until everyone has enough time and is in a relaxed mood before starting.
The truth about pain
Many girls are very scared of pain, but in fact, as long as you are fully prepared, the pain can be minimized. If it really hurts, tell the other person immediately and don't hold it in. Sometimes pain may be caused by being too tense, so it is very important to relax. If it really hurts, it's okay to stop lowering, don't force it.
Boy's Troubles
Boys have a lot of troubles. Many people are worried that their performance is not good enough or that it will finish too quickly. But remember, this is all normal. If you are really nervous, you can focus on foreplay and wait until everyone is relaxed. Boys don't have to think about performing well. The most important thing is to understand each other and enjoy the process.
The second importance
After you get it right the first time, you may feel a little disappointed. But don't get discouraged, because the second time around is usually much better. Because everyone is no longer nervous like the first time, and everyone has a better understanding of each other's bodies. So it doesn’t matter if it’s not perfect the first time, the key is that you can improve slowly afterwards.
Final Advice
Remember, sex is not a test. There is no need to compare or push yourself. Everyone's pace is different, what matters most is what feels right to you. No matter when you start, the most important thing to remember is safety, communication, and respect. Sex is a learning process, and it takes time for everyone to slowly understand and grow.
The most common questions young people ask
Finally, I would like to share with you the questions that I often receive. I will answer your questions one by one with the most sincere attitude!
Q: "Will it hurt so much the first time?"
A: To be honest, everyone feels differently. It is not inevitable that it will hurt. The most important thing is to do enough foreplay and wait until your body is fully prepared before starting. If it really hurts, stop immediately and don't force it. Maybe you were too nervous, or maybe you didn't have enough foreplay. Remember, sex shouldn't be a painful experience.
Q: "If I perform badly the first time, will the other party look down on me?"
A: First of all, what does “poor performance” mean? Remember, no one is perfect the first time. People who truly care about you will understand this and will be more considerate to you. Sex is a process in which two people learn together, not an exam, so why should there be a difference in scores?
Q: "I am afraid that I am not sexy enough, what should I do?"
A: The sexiness you see in movies and magazines is actually a kind of performance. In a true intimacy, sexiness does not come from a perfect body or exaggerated performance, but from sincerity and freedom. The most emotional state is when you are being yourself.
Q: "How should I tell the other person that this is my first time?"
A: Being honest is the best option. You can choose a relaxed moment to tell the other person: "Actually, I have never tried it before, so I may be a little nervous." People who are truly good to you will definitely understand and will be even more attentive to you. Please don't pretend to be experienced because you are shy, as this will only make the situation more awkward.
Q: "What if I want to stop during the journey?"
A: The stalk part is fine! You can stop at any time. This is your basic right. Whether it's because it's too painful, too nervous, or you suddenly feel you're not ready, you can speak up. A partner who respects you will understand.
Q: "My friend said it's hard to be happy the first time, is that true?"
A: The first time is usually not very fun because everyone is too nervous and doesn’t know each other’s bodies well enough. But as long as everyone understands and communicates with each other, the future experience will definitely get better and better. The most important thing for the first time is to build trust and understanding.
Q: "Can clicking first reduce embarrassment?"
A: Embarrassment is inevitable! No matter how well prepared you are, there will always be unexpected situations. The best way is to face it with a smile. Remember, even holding hands for the first time can be awkward, let alone something so intimate? Relax and accept that awkwardness is a normal part of life.
Q: "What should I order after I finish?"
A: First of all, it is very important to clean yourself. After that, you can take charge of the matter, discuss the plan, and wait for everyone to relax. If you feel uncomfortable, please speak up. Please don't think about leaving immediately, and give us some time to rest and communicate together.
Finally, I want to tell you that everyone’s first time is a unique experience and there is no such thing as right or wrong. The most important thing is that you feel comfortable and that both of you respect each other. Remember, sex is a learning process. Slowly but surely, you will get better at it.
Q: "Buying condoms is so embarrassing, what should I pay attention to?"
A: Buying condoms is indeed embarrassing, but for the sake of safety, this step must be taken. Now let's talk about choosing the right condom first. First of all, condoms come in many sizes, so make sure you choose the right size. If it's too big, it will fall off; if it's too small, it will burst, so if you're not sure, start with the standard size. Speaking of raw materials, there are two types: latex and non-latex. If you or your partner is allergic to latex, you should definitely buy non-latex ones. They are more expensive but worth it. For the first time, I suggest you choose the standard thickness and don’t go for the ultra-thin ones, because if you don’t have enough experience, you may easily ruin them. In terms of lubrication, although condoms are lubricated, you can buy a water-based lubricant to carry with you. The most important thing is to remember to check the expiration date and certification mark. Don't buy cheap products just to save money because you don't know whether they are genuine. Finally, I would like to remind everyone not to be shy. The clerks at convenience stores are familiar to each other, and online shopping is convenient. The key is that you need to know how to protect yourself and your partner.
